My fetus is growing up before my very eyes

Well, yesterday I dropped off my registration form and $75.00 to place Pat on a waitlist at a daycare facility. So when Pat is 12 weeks old, I'll have someone else raise them while I try to make enough money to pay for daycare! I'm trying to find the logic in there somewhere.

BIG RIG!

I'm sitting at the dining room table drinking milk and writing thank you cards and my adoring husband comes up and says "Are you finished with your milk, Big Rig?" I guess I have a new pregnancy nickname.

My fetus is trying to escape!

Or at least that's how it feels. And only being 26.5 weeks, it's too early for that. I know I've commented on how active Pat is, but the activity lately has felt like it's trying to bust out of the ol' uterus by way of my belly button. Seriously! After Christian watched my belly moving around last night he asked if it hurt when Pat moved like that. Most of the time it doesn't, but there have been a few occasions where I've slapped my stomach to try and get Pat to move off of the nerve it's punching/kicking/strumming/gnawing on. I wonder if that's any indication of what kind of physical force I'll use on my children. Don't judge me (I know you're judging me).

In other Pat adventures, Pat's been getting the hiccups like crazy. I think I started feeling them a week or two ago. Today I've counted 3 separate occasions. I think that's normal, based on what other moms have told me. It's a cool feeling, that's for sure. I'm glad I don't get the hiccups that often.

Oh, and isn't there some kind of condition most pregnant women get where their minds go a little goofy during pregnancy? They start forgetting things, bumping into things, etc? Well, I am no exception. In the last 3 days I have broken 2 cereal bowls (one in front a professional chef who came over for lunch), landed on my butt while hiking down from Catherine's Pass, and peed through my underwear while sitting on the toilet. Turns out I didn't manage to pull my underwear down when I pulled my pants down and didn't realize it until I had finished. Good times. I can only see this "condition" getting worse over the next few months, so if I forget your name while talking to you or you see me bumping into walls, think nothing of it. We'll just blame it on Pat.

UPDATE as of 09/29/09. One of the girls in my book club (who of course shall remain nameless) said she peed through her underwear when she was pregnant too! And someone else, who's never been pregnant, said she's done it. Now I don't feel like as big of a knob as I originally did!

Honey...why is the baby in the dishwasher?

Every roommate I've ever had has told me I talk in my sleep. My first-year roommate in university would try and get secrets out of me at night because she knew I'd give up the dirt. I guess I just have an overly active mind that doesn't really sleep while my body is resting. I don't know. But over the years, there have been some funny incidents that involve me + unconscious activity.

When Christian and I were first married, one night I woke up and there were monkeys crawling in through the bedroom window. No. Really. There were. I yelled, "AAAAAAAAAA, MONKEYS!!!" and hopped on Christian's chest (facing his face), yelled "MONKEYS!!", then hopped off onto the floor and tried to crawl out the bedroom. I think Christian was pulling on my leg as I tried to escape the wrath of the primates. Hey, they might look all cute and cuddly, but there are some mean sons of guns in the primate world and I was not about to get tangled up with them. I eventually woke up to discover there were, in fact, no monkeys plotting revenge on the Hancocks.

Almost every night, about 20 minutes after I fall asleep, I sit up in bed with a loud gasp and say "what's going on?" or "what, what, what, what, what, what, what" or "fatty fatty fat fat you really shouldn't eat that" (I know, impressive that I make up rhymes while asleep). Other nights I jump out of bed, sometimes landing on my feet, sometimes not. Sometimes I wake up standing on the bed, trying to hold the wall up, or I alert Christian that the ceiling is about to fall and I need help holding it up. It's really a mixed bag.

Last night, after I'd been asleep my usual 20 minutes, I said "What are you doing?!?" then fell back asleep. This was Christian's cue that he could now fall asleep because my nightly incident was over and I'd probably sleep through the night. Wrong! Maybe 10 minutes later, just as Christian was falling asleep I hit him in the head and said "STOP IT! I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING OVER THERE!!". You see, I thought Christian was involved in some less than decent behaviour on his side of the bed. But he wasn't (he wants you to know that he really wasn't). When he told me about it this morning, I started wondering what's going to happen when Pat arrives and I have my nightly incidents. How will I behave when I'm operating on very little sleep? Will my episodes get worse? Will I not have them because I'm not sleeping? And while I'm trying to joke around about it, I am actually a little worried that I really will put the baby in the dishwasher, or something far worse.

So if anyone knows of a cure for what I've got, I'd love to know what it is and how I can keep Pat safe from it's crazy Mum! Oh...wait a second...a brilliant idea! Maybe Christian should get up and do the nightly feedings so I can get my rest and stay away from Pat so I don't do anything to it. Hmmmm...I like where I'm going with this idea.

Do they make maternity SPANX?

And if so, is it wrong for me to want some to contain my growing body?

What's that Pat? You'd like a little Eddie Vedder with your night-time feeding?

When I was home a few weeks ago, my cousin, who is a music therapist (don't ask--I don't exactly understand what someone in that profession does), told me that the music I play for Pat right now and throughout the rest of the pregnancy is what will soothe him/her after they are born. This supports what I've been reading about too. So I guess Pat will drift off to sleep each night with a little Pearl Jam, The Tragically Hip, Green Day, and The Beastie Boys, because that's what I like to listen to...LOUD! Pat's going to be one cool baby.

On another note, I've got the windows open because it's such a beautiful day-before-fall day and I'm listening to my 2.5 year old neighbour throw a fit. I'm not so sure I'm ready for motherhood. CHRISTIAN!!! WHAT HAVE WE DONE?!?    

25 week bump shot

Well, things got too crazy for a 24 week photo so you'll have to settle for an extra week. I cannot believe the difference from 22 to 25weeks even. I feel enormous. I feel like little kids are going to go running and screaming when they see me for fear that I will shove them down my throat. That's how big I feel. Turning over in bed requires so much effort--I wonder how it will be when I get even bigger.

Sorry I didn't dress up or do my hair or makeup for the shot. I think that's how things are going to be from here on out.

So many of my friends (that don't see me on a regular basis) do not believe that my boobs haven't gotten enormous. As you can see, they aren't. I am not wired to have large knockers. I am busting out of my A bras and really need to buy some Bs, but I really don't think I'm going to get larger than that. Bummer. I was hoping for some killer jugs.

I did return to the gym last week for the first time in...oh...months! The stair climber used to be a great workout, and actually still is, but I think it's too much of a great workout. I had to have it on a level 2 to keep my heart rate below 150. So not cool. So it's the elliptical, weights, and spin class for me for as long as I can. Hoping I can do that right up until Pat's arrival, but we shall see. Maybe because I've put it out there for the whole world to see I'll stick to my plan. Or not. And tomorrow my friend and I are heading out on our mountain bikes but we're riding road the entire time. I can't wait to see if I can even fit one leg into my bike shorts! That will be a lovely sight. I don't think I'll be posting a photo of that train wreck.

This week also marked the beginning of two things. The first is I'm having to wear maternity clothes now. Not bad. I made it to week 24.5 so I'm feeling good about that. The second is my appetite has suddenly gone from normal to Elvis-in-later-years. I could not consume enough food today. Try as I might, I was hungry all day. And I find Pat gets really active both when I'm hungry and immediately after I eat, so needless to say, Pat was pretty active all day.

Well, I'm off to a friend's grand opening of a candy shop here in SLC. I plan on purchasing her entire stock of chocolate-covered gummy bears. If there's a shortage of them in SLC, come see me. Pat and I are probably hoarding them.