E.V.Uh-Oh!

First, props to Tara for giving me the blog title.

Second, the story behind the blog title. Yet another thing I can (or choose to) blame on Pat-On-A-Hot-Tin-Roof. So I'm thinking I'm all that the other night because I had cooked chicken and put out all the ingredients necessary for the next night's dinner. I had the recipe book open on the counter and was reaching for my cookbook stand which is behind our bottles of olive oil and balsamic vinegar when I knocked the bottle of E.V.O.O. onto the counter where it smashed into a million pieces and went EVERYWHERE! Floor, stove, fridge, counter, Kristyn, Kristyn's clothes, and Kristyn's slippers.

I must confess I dropped some bombs, which aroused Christian's curiosity, for next thing I knew he was standing in front of me trying to hold back the laughter. As I stripped down to nothing and hurried to get my clothes in the washing machine (for my 3rd load of laundry that night), my amazing husband cleaned up every last drop of oil and even cut the bottom of his foot on a rogue piece of glass that somehow managed to make it's way to the hallway outside our bedroom door. (what the?)

All this to say, yet another pregnancy incident that normally wouldn't happen sans fetus. I'm not a klutz. I don't drop stuff. I don't normally walk into doorways and corners and walls either (okay, I do do that normally, but not as frequently). Does it get any better after the baby arrives or should I be prepared for worse things?

In the meantime, the one benefit of this ordeal is amazingly soft skin. Plus, I'm glad it wasn't the balsamic vinegar!

He's not heavy, he's my fetus

Well, tomorrow marks my 28th week with Pat, the Wonder Fetus. Today I had the glucose test that everyone says is awful. Is it awful that I kinda liked the drink? And the buzz I felt afterward? 

What I don't like are the 6 elbees I've packed on since my last visit 4 weeks ago. My mid-wife said it's very normal since I didn't start gaining weight until 20 weeks. I guess I'm just catching up. But I still don't like it. I only had a few days of being ravenous a couple of weeks ago. Otherwise, I'm eating like my normal, healthy self (no fast food, no chips, a little bit of chocolate, lots of fruits and vegetables, low-fat protein, blah blah blah) and still exercising. So the weight is meant to be and I'm trying not to be too bothered by it. Yes, I know, I'm growing a baby and shouldn't care about the weight, but I just can't help it. When you've been on the thinner side for 35 years and start seeing numbers you never thought you'd see, it's not easy. And I don't subscribe to the "but this is the time you can let loose and eat what you want because you'll take it off with breastfeeding" that I hear all the time. What if Pat doesn't want me or my breasts and I can't breastfeed and the weight DOESN'T melt off me like everyone promises. WHAT THEN PEOPLE? Don't worry though, I'm working through the whole weight gain thing one pound at a time.

 

As promised, the 28 week bump shot.  

Why didn't anyone buy me Depends for my birfday?

True story. I went to the bathroom. Went back to what I was doing. Sneezed. Wet my pants. Third time today.

Patricia?!?

The Oracle has spoken. We're having a girl!

Now some history. We have a friend Phil (seen below at my birfday dinner at Red Iguana) who has a 100% accuracy rate when it comes to determining gender. When everyone told our friends Ben and Steph they were having a girl, Phil was one of the only ones who said boy. And out came Jonah. Recently, most people were saying our friends Greg & Tara were having a boy (myself included) but out came Charlotte, and Phil had called girl. So when we were at dinner the other night, I asked Phil what he thought Pat was and after staring at me and pondering for what seemed like a long time, he declared it was a girl. So you heard it here first. He'll either continue his 100% accuracy or Pat will be his first error. I'm still thinking Pat is a Patrick so maybe Phil and I should wager something. And I'm seriously thinking of creating a poll on Facebook to see what our friends think we're having.

The Oracle is at the end of the table. Yes, he appears to be a normal human being but he is far from normal. He is almost super human and Christian and I think the world of him.

In other Pat news, Pat has not slept at all today. You think I'm exaggerating? No! Constant movement. CONSTANT!!! And not "oh, that's such a cool feeling" movement. It's been more "Oh Pat, please stop it. That is far too creepy" movement. More of the feeling like Pat's trying to escape from Alcatraz and the only way out is through my navel. My friend told me today that there will come a time when Pat is on the outside and I will miss Pat being on the inside, so I'm trying to enjoy the creepiness of Pat's activity.

Wednesday is my glucose test. For all of you women who have been pregnant, you know the one. For anyone reading this who hasn't found themselves knocked up, this is a test they do around 28 weeks to see if you have gestational diabetes and are going to poop out a 19 lb Indonesian baby. The test involves consuming 50 grams (not milligrams...GRAMS) of glucose in the form of a fruity beverage. And you have to drink it in 5 minutes or less. In all honesty it doesn't sound that bad to me but every single person has warned me the drink is nasty and the feeling you have after you drink it is surreal. Ears ringing, etc. So we'll see. I can't wait to see what all that sugar does to Pat.

My fetus is growing up before my very eyes

Well, yesterday I dropped off my registration form and $75.00 to place Pat on a waitlist at a daycare facility. So when Pat is 12 weeks old, I'll have someone else raise them while I try to make enough money to pay for daycare! I'm trying to find the logic in there somewhere.

BIG RIG!

I'm sitting at the dining room table drinking milk and writing thank you cards and my adoring husband comes up and says "Are you finished with your milk, Big Rig?" I guess I have a new pregnancy nickname.

My fetus is trying to escape!

Or at least that's how it feels. And only being 26.5 weeks, it's too early for that. I know I've commented on how active Pat is, but the activity lately has felt like it's trying to bust out of the ol' uterus by way of my belly button. Seriously! After Christian watched my belly moving around last night he asked if it hurt when Pat moved like that. Most of the time it doesn't, but there have been a few occasions where I've slapped my stomach to try and get Pat to move off of the nerve it's punching/kicking/strumming/gnawing on. I wonder if that's any indication of what kind of physical force I'll use on my children. Don't judge me (I know you're judging me).

In other Pat adventures, Pat's been getting the hiccups like crazy. I think I started feeling them a week or two ago. Today I've counted 3 separate occasions. I think that's normal, based on what other moms have told me. It's a cool feeling, that's for sure. I'm glad I don't get the hiccups that often.

Oh, and isn't there some kind of condition most pregnant women get where their minds go a little goofy during pregnancy? They start forgetting things, bumping into things, etc? Well, I am no exception. In the last 3 days I have broken 2 cereal bowls (one in front a professional chef who came over for lunch), landed on my butt while hiking down from Catherine's Pass, and peed through my underwear while sitting on the toilet. Turns out I didn't manage to pull my underwear down when I pulled my pants down and didn't realize it until I had finished. Good times. I can only see this "condition" getting worse over the next few months, so if I forget your name while talking to you or you see me bumping into walls, think nothing of it. We'll just blame it on Pat.

UPDATE as of 09/29/09. One of the girls in my book club (who of course shall remain nameless) said she peed through her underwear when she was pregnant too! And someone else, who's never been pregnant, said she's done it. Now I don't feel like as big of a knob as I originally did!