Who knew motherhood was really like this?

Well, I certainly didn't. I mean, I knew it was hard but I didn't know it was THIS hard. Even with an adorable baby, I still found myself giving him a choice to either nap in his bassinet or the garbage can the other day. I hate to admit that, but I was at my wits end. I got about 3 hours of sleep the night before and he hadn't slept from 6:30 a.m. (and it was approaching 1:00 p.m.) and was uber fussy. I couldn't calm him down enough to put him down at all without him screaming. I wasn't going to tell anyone about the thoughts I had that day (of what I would do to him if he didn't stop screaming) but I called my friend that night and told her and lo and behold, she said she had the same thoughts with her screaming baby and she sort of thought that a lot of women have the same dark thoughts.

And the guilt. Oh the guilt I had because of those thoughts. And the tears I started to shed because I felt like the worst mother in the world. Because here I had wanted this baby for so long and had gone through a lot to get him and now I wanted to throw him in the garbage.

Exhaustion + Out Of Control Hormones = Crazy Woman

So there's all of that and then there's all the physical stuff that makes motherhood hard. I realized over the weekend that I'd been in some sort of pain for over 4 weeks. It started out with 60 hours of labour, followed by recovering from a c section. Then I had a stomach ache for 2 weeks straight. Then an infected incision (at one point my husband said "what's that awful smell coming from you?" and I had to admit it was my incision retaliating against me for who knows what reason). And then the latest ordeal were plugged milk ducts in my boob. Do you know how painful that can be? I'm trying to come up with an appropriate description but nothing I come up with is clean enough for this blog. But you should know that if you ever do encounter plugged milk ducts yourself, an electric toothbrush can do wonders! I need to write to the makers of Sonic Care and let them know that their toothbrushes do more than keep the cavities at bay.

But we've had a good couple of days. No schedule established yet. We're just taking every day as it comes since we never know what it will bring. Like who knew that today would be Cohen's first real blowout? I sure didn't. My sister and I were laughing while we were chatting on the phone because as I was feeding him this morning he had the most hilarious toots (I put it on speaker phone so she could hear them). Yeah, the laughing stopped when I realized he had poop smeared all the way from his butt to his neck. And then I had to figure out how to get the poop covered onesie off of him without getting crap everywhere and then transport him and all of this bath stuff to the kitchen. Somehow the stars aligned and we had a really great bath time and I got the poop out of his hair and the onesie in the garbage (wasteful? no, smart).

Anyway, we're continuing to muddle through, one scream, one tear, one blowout at a time.

Enjoy some recent photos of Average Baby (I'm working on a new cape since he's lost the title of Super Baby).

  After the blowout. Sparkling clean.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Okay, I really hope he outgrows the cross-eyed thing, although it is really cute and makes me laugh every time. And don't bear ears just MAKE an outfit?

 

 

 

 

Just monkeying around.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Giving him a massage after his bath the other day(although it looks like I'm trying to choke him). See the black & white snail to the left? That's Snaily McSnailerson who Cohen loves to chat with every time he gets his diaper changed. He fills Snaily in on the day's events.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Little Ducky listening to Mum sing all the songs from "The Sound of Music". Julie Andrews had better watch her back, right Cohen?