If you need me...

...I'll be out to pasture.

Well, my milk is officially gone. Little c tried like crazy to nurse this morning but came up short. I felt so guilty that there was nothing there. (and now I'm crying as I type this because I feel so bad). It's such a sad thing for me because I really did want to make it to a year of nursing him, but I guess 9.5 months isn't so bad, especially considering the challenges we encountered along the way. Sometimes I can't even believe we made it past 3 months!

I really didn't think I'd ever enjoy nursing, but man I sure did. Just the 2 of us snuggled up together in the peaceful stillness of the early morning. Not thinking of anything except enjoying the moment. Not worrying about my to-do list. Just gazing down at the sleepy baby while he lightly stroked my chest or grabbed hold of my necklace and held on for dear life.

It's so funny that there were days early on when I couldn't wait to be done nursing (and I'm talking early on, like the first month of little c's life) and now that the day is here, I miss it so much, and it's only been 24 hours since I last nursed. I held it together when I gave him a bottle this morning but as soon as I walked out to the car after dropping him off at "school", the dam broke and the tears flooded my sight as I stumbled to the car and had a good old fashioned cry on my way home. 

I think I was also weepy because I've been with little c for 4 days straight (as we kept him home from "school" due to his croup/cold/ear infection) and he's been such a GREAT kiddo the last couple of days and I really wanted to spend another day with him. He was grouchy on Sunday but such a fun little character on Monday and yesterday and even this morning. I really do attribute his delightful disposition as of late to me getting off domperidone.

Lately I've really been wishing I could be a stay-at-home mom because I feel like I'm missing out on so many fun times with him and teaching him things he'll need to know to survive in life, like how to clap and wave, and the hand motions for the Itsy Bitsy Spider. Oh well, I need to make the most of my time with him every day and savour it and store it up in my memory, and on this blog. And I need to make sure he knows every minute we're together that he is adored and loved SO much.

And now some photos of the little man who has turned me into a blubbering mess.