It's a GIRL!!! (take two)

Well, I had my first gender specific dream last night and in it, I gave birth to a girl. And then the next day, my stomach being as flat as it was pre-Pat, my co-worker and I flew to Texas to watch a football game. And then the phone rang and woke me up, so that's all I've got.

I haven't had time to post anything this week as work has been ridiculously busy (in a good and productive way) and I've had a lot of social commitments, chiropractor appointments, and Pat-related errands to get done. More posting this weekend, especially after the Halloween party tonight! For those of you that look forward to our costumes every year, don't get your hopes up too high this year. We'll blame our lame idea on the down turned economy.

Dilated or not dilated, that is the question

Well, I might be or I might not be, but I probably am not. At my 30 week appointment with my mid-wife on Thursday, I explained to her the "feeling" I had that was causing me to think I was in fact dilated. She explained some of the other symptoms of dilation and after asking me if I had any of them, which I don't, we both came to the conclusion that I'm probably not dilated. She offered to check for me but I didn't feel like taking off my pants, so I said no. After she did the usual measurements on my abdomen and felt around to see where Pat was hanging out these days, she determined that since Pat is head down and using my cervix as a pillow, that's probably why I felt like I was dilated. The pressure. So, I was wrong. All of you naysayers were right. Congratulations!

I also asked her if she thought it was possible that Pat had epilepsy since it's movement is so weird. I think she was trying to keep from laughing because she didn't answer for a few seconds. She said "while there's always that possibility, it's highly doubtful that Pat has epilepsy" and went on to explain how Pat's nervous system is still developing and it's probably misfiring or something along those lines. So no tests ordered to determine if my fetus has the epilepsy. That got me thinking about all the funny things new mothers-to-be (or maybe women that are on their second or third or more) must ask their doctors and mid-wives.

I got the H1N1 and seasonal flu vaccines on Friday because I DON'T WANT TO DIE. All you government conspirators/anti-vaccine weirdos can go on and judge me if you want but I don't care. Other than 2 sore arms, I'm feeling good. Although I am craving bacon wrapped pork chops stuffed with ham a lot...

Christian has spent the good part of this weekend painting Pat's pad. The colour that I picked out (with my designer friend's help) is brighter than I had planned or hoped for but he's refusing to paint it a lighter colour, so I guess we're going with it. I'm sure it will grow on me. And maybe once we have the hot tub and dance floor in there, it will look a little better. Our friends have really been on our backs (in a good way) about getting the nursery done because "you never know" and so getting it painted is a good start. Hopefully by next weekend we'll have the crib assembled and the glider moved in and the dresser/change table painted and in place. Okay, after typing all those things I'm having my doubts about getting them all accomplished, but if we can get one of them done, then that's great, right? So once we have the room pulled together, you'll be the first to see the before and after shots.

Last update. I was meeting Christian at the U of U football game yesterday and was running to catch the train and I had to stop because I thought my uterus was about to fall out. I guess running is out of the question now. And I had that 1/2 marathon at the end of the month I was getting ready for...

Back, crack, and sack

Now before you think I'm referring to manscaping, you need to get your mind out of the gutter. Good grief! This is a PG blog. You're unbelievable.

I am talking about my recent God-send--my chiropractor. I've never been to one in my life until 2 days ago. I've always been wary of them for a couple of reasons: 1. I was convinced they would slip up and turn me into a parapalegic (I know...silly, but I really did think that would happen) and 2: Once you go one time, you have to go all the time. But I went at the suggestion of my friend as well as the urging of my mid-wife. I guess they can help open up your pelvis and get that area ready for a baby to slide out. AND, I haven't been sleeping and I thought it could help.

Well, he did all of these tests and things on me short of doing an x-ray and discovered that my spine is seriously out of whack. One shoulder is lower than the other and my head is dropped to one side. And so he went to work on me. He's using this gun thing to gently tap my vertebrae back into place. And I've got to say, I slept better on Monday night than I have in 8 weeks! I'm a believer. Yeah, I had to go back today and I have to go back tomorrow (cha-ching) but I think it's going to be worth it in getting Pat out a little easier and getting Pat's mom sleeping again until Pat's arrival. And I realized that the reason you have to keep going is they can't fix you in one appointment. Especially a 7 month pregnant woman.

So, now that I've had my back cracked, I'm going to hit the sack and hopefully get some sleep.

Oh, one last thing that I want written down for the world to see JUST IN CASE I'M RIGHT. For the last week, I've been feeling like I'm dilated. Please don't ask me why I think this--I just do. So at my 30 week appointment with my mid-wife tomorrow, I'm going to see if she'll check. If I'm wrong, all of you people who have been judging me since I told you can say "I told you so" and I'll take it like the humble person I would like to be.

Oh, one more thing. A big shout out to my favourite 8 year old, my nephew Ben, who turned 8 today.

He's in the witness protection program so I can't show you a photo of him without his disguise. Happy Birthday "Ben!!!"

A pregnancy first

Well, I did what I've been wanting to do for a LONG time. I parked in the "Expectant Mothers" parking spot in front of Babies R Us! And I stuck my belly out and put my hand on my lower back just for added effect as I waddled into the store. It felt glorious!! Now I need to seek out more of those parking spots--Babies R Us is the only store I'm aware of that has the special parking in SLC. If you know of more, let me know!

The other white meat flu

I've never bothered with flu vaccines before. I really don't get sick very often and probably average one sick day per year. So when the swine flu hit, I thought nothing more about it and decided I wouldn't get the vaccine. Well, that was before a pregnant friend told me that women in their 3rd trimester had one of the highest risks of death due to the good ol' swine flu. Suddenly the swine flu became really personal.

Someone I know was diagnosed with it in her 3rd trimester and she told me repeatedly how awful of an experience it was and that I needed to get the vaccine. Friends and family members have all been telling me to get vaccinated, my midwife told me I needed to get the shot (even though her clinic didn't order any of the vaccine in, which seems REALLY stupid to me since they only work with pregnant women), and our doctor friends have been telling me I need to get it. So I've been on the hunt for the vaccination in Salt Lake City and surrounding area for the past 2 weeks. I even called a clinic in a different county this morning after speaking with a client who had a friend die from the H1N1 flu this morning (he was a 24 year old healthy guy). Pregnant women can't have the mist and unfortunately they are only giving the shot to 6 month-27 month old babies right now. Every clinic I talked to said they won't be vaccinating pregnant women until mid-November. I'm trying not to get freaked out. 

I am taking precautions, like washing my hands a little obsessively (and singing the Happy Birthday song TWICE just to make sure I'm washing them long enough) and dousing my hands in hand sanitizer after I shake someone's hand, which is a lot when you're meeting with clients face to face. And I'm trying not to touch my eyes or put my hands anywhere in the general vicinity of my face without washing them first or using some sort of barrier method (ie: Kleenex).

So, if anyone in SLC is reading this and knows of a way I can get my hands on the vaccine (even on the black market), let me know. I'll pay top dollar! (or maybe just bake you a cake) Gotta run--Pat's using my bladder as a punching bag!

WHAT TO EXPECT WHEN YOU'RE EXPECTING: A CHECKLIST

First of all, don't judge me because I have that book. It was a gift from a favourite friend and it's actually been useful. Like when I think I'm the only person in the history of the world who's experienced this or that, I turn to the book and it says I'm normal. (despite the fact that most of you would agree I'm not really normal).

Last night I turned to the chapter called "The Seventh Month; Approximately 28 to 31 weeks" as that is where I'm at. 7 months. That means I only have 2 to go, which scares the crap out of me, but I digress. After it talks about how big the baby is during the 7th month and the changes little Pat is going through, it has a section called What You May Be Feeling. It's pretty spot on with what I'm experiencing and I thought I'd share it with you, not to gain sympathy, because let's not forget that I got myself into this, but to create awareness for those of you who might not have experienced this yet (or don't plan on ever experiencing it and just want a reminder of how wise of a decision that might be).

• Stronger and more frequent fetal activity. CHECK!! Pat is continuing it's Grand Mal seizure-like movement. Very herky jerky (kind of like how I dance).
  
• Increasing vaginal discharge. I reserve the right to not comment on this. This blog is supposed to be a discharge-free zone.
  
• Achiness in the lower abdomen or along the sides. CHECK.
  
• Constipation. CHECK!!
  
• Heartburn, indigestion, flatulence, bloating. CHECK, CHECK, CHECK, not yet. Tums has become my new best friend. Beano has stopped working on me. Sorry co-workers!
  
• Occasional headaches, faintness, or dizziness. CHECK.
  
• Nasal congestion and occasional nosebleeds; ear stuffiness. CHECK. I've still never experienced a nose bleed in my life but I do have bloody boogers almost every morning.
  
• Sensitive gums that may bleed when you brush. Nope, not yet. Can't wait! Ummmm, blood.
  
• Leg cramps. CHECK.
  
• Backache. CHECK.
  
• Mild swelling of ankles and feet, and occasionally of hands and face. BIG CHECK on the ankles and feet. From mid-calf down I don't look human. I did tell you how my co-worker shrieked at the sight of my cankle.
  
• Varicose veins of the legs. Not yet.
  
• Hemorrhoids. Have I told you about Harvey the Hemorrhoid yet? Maybe that will be a whole blog by itself.
  
• Itchy abdomen. I have one of those hand back-scratchers that I use. Feels. So. Good. To. Scratch.
  
• Protruding navel. Not yet but it's on it's way. I'm considering putting a band aid on it when it does start to stick out because I just don't like that look on anyone.
  
• Stretch marks. Nope. I have a friend that got them 2 days before she gave birth, so I'm not ruling them out just yet.
  
• Shortness of breath. CHECK. I can't walk and talk at the same time anymore. But hey, I did just save 15% on my car insurance.
  
• Difficulty sleeping. CHECK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  
• Scattered Braxton Hicks contractions, usually painless (the uterus hardens for a minute, then returns to normal). CHECK. Contractions are fun! Don't let anyone tell you differently.
  
• Clumsiness. E. V. Uh. Oh. http://www.typepad.com/services/trackback/6a01156f8a402e970c0120a5cc3e97970b
  
• Enlarged Breasts. I wish. (and so does my husband)
  
• Colostrum leaking from nipples. I think I just threw up in my mouth a little. Not yet, thank you Jesus.

So, there you have it. What you can expect when you're expecting at the 7 month mark. Don't say I didn't warn you.

"We have a meltdown in Aisle 5"

Who knew that not finding ground turkey breast at the grocery store would lead to me breaking down in the middle of the store?

I was planning on making spaghetti for dinner and thought I would get the meat first, since ground turkey breast is very hard to come by. And no, ground turkey will not do. It has to be the breast. The texture of ground turkey is too similar to ground beef, which induces bile when I see it, smell it, and am forced to eat it out of politeness.

Of course they didn't have any turkey breast. Why should they have it for a 7 months pregnant woman who no longer sleeps more than 3 hours per night, is uncomfortable ALL day, who has a headache, who is sucking HUGE at her job and is miserable between the hours of 9:00 a.m. and 5:00 p.m., who's foot and ankle are so swollen her co-worker shrieked and said he had never seen anything more hideous in his life when she put it up on his desk to show him just how enormous it was, and who wets her pants more than I bet that Duggar woman who's had 18 kids (and counting).

So we're having toast for dinner tonight.

Our last hurrah

Some people go to Hawaii or Mexico for their last trip before the baby arrives. Not the Hancocks. We went to Philadelphia, PA!

Our good friends, Ben & Steph, are there for Ben's Fellowship of the Ring. He's an Orthopedic Surgeon doing a fellowship in shoulder and elbow at UPenn and they're only there for 1 year, and since we'll be with Pat next year, we figured this was the best time to go. And we were right. We had great fall weather for the most part. I'm still not too large and in charge that I was able to walk around downtown and see all of the historical sites. My feet and ankles did swell up considerably so a couple of naps were just what the doctor ordered on Saturday and Sunday afternoon. We ate great Italian (pronounced Eye-talian) food, I had my first and probably last Philly Cheesesteak, and we saw the birthplace of the Declaration of Independence, which I really didn't know too much about before the trip, being a Canuck and all.

I really can't believe it was the last flight I'll ever take without having to worry about children (whether they're with me or I've ditched them at home).  It's all kind of surreal. I've been having these "this is the last time I'll do blank" moments lately and I'm sort of starting to panic a little. I'm sure that's normal.

Well, I need to go put my foot up. The 5 hour flight wasn't too kind to my circulatory-challenged club foot (it's been swollen since I was 18 years old) and I'm having a hard time fitting it in anything but a paper bag right now. In the meantime, enjoy some Philadelphia Freedom photos.

 

My baby daddy getting down on a Philly wit provolone (silly Philadelphians drop the "h" and you have to say "wit" instead of "with").

The gang. I look a little deer-in-the-headlights and I wasn't even consuming booze. That's a virgin mojito in front of me and it's my new drink of choice for the next 2.5 months.

 

Ye olde Liberty Bell.

A couple of Revolutionary Douche Bags in Betsy Ross' (maker of the first US flag) humble abode. 

 

One of the oldest streets in the U.S. I bet there's an older street somewhere in Canada. The challenge is on!

 

Ben Franklin's grave. The first and last time I ever pay to go into a graveyard.

E.V.Uh-Oh!

First, props to Tara for giving me the blog title.

Second, the story behind the blog title. Yet another thing I can (or choose to) blame on Pat-On-A-Hot-Tin-Roof. So I'm thinking I'm all that the other night because I had cooked chicken and put out all the ingredients necessary for the next night's dinner. I had the recipe book open on the counter and was reaching for my cookbook stand which is behind our bottles of olive oil and balsamic vinegar when I knocked the bottle of E.V.O.O. onto the counter where it smashed into a million pieces and went EVERYWHERE! Floor, stove, fridge, counter, Kristyn, Kristyn's clothes, and Kristyn's slippers.

I must confess I dropped some bombs, which aroused Christian's curiosity, for next thing I knew he was standing in front of me trying to hold back the laughter. As I stripped down to nothing and hurried to get my clothes in the washing machine (for my 3rd load of laundry that night), my amazing husband cleaned up every last drop of oil and even cut the bottom of his foot on a rogue piece of glass that somehow managed to make it's way to the hallway outside our bedroom door. (what the?)

All this to say, yet another pregnancy incident that normally wouldn't happen sans fetus. I'm not a klutz. I don't drop stuff. I don't normally walk into doorways and corners and walls either (okay, I do do that normally, but not as frequently). Does it get any better after the baby arrives or should I be prepared for worse things?

In the meantime, the one benefit of this ordeal is amazingly soft skin. Plus, I'm glad it wasn't the balsamic vinegar!

He's not heavy, he's my fetus

Well, tomorrow marks my 28th week with Pat, the Wonder Fetus. Today I had the glucose test that everyone says is awful. Is it awful that I kinda liked the drink? And the buzz I felt afterward? 

What I don't like are the 6 elbees I've packed on since my last visit 4 weeks ago. My mid-wife said it's very normal since I didn't start gaining weight until 20 weeks. I guess I'm just catching up. But I still don't like it. I only had a few days of being ravenous a couple of weeks ago. Otherwise, I'm eating like my normal, healthy self (no fast food, no chips, a little bit of chocolate, lots of fruits and vegetables, low-fat protein, blah blah blah) and still exercising. So the weight is meant to be and I'm trying not to be too bothered by it. Yes, I know, I'm growing a baby and shouldn't care about the weight, but I just can't help it. When you've been on the thinner side for 35 years and start seeing numbers you never thought you'd see, it's not easy. And I don't subscribe to the "but this is the time you can let loose and eat what you want because you'll take it off with breastfeeding" that I hear all the time. What if Pat doesn't want me or my breasts and I can't breastfeed and the weight DOESN'T melt off me like everyone promises. WHAT THEN PEOPLE? Don't worry though, I'm working through the whole weight gain thing one pound at a time.

 

As promised, the 28 week bump shot.  

Why didn't anyone buy me Depends for my birfday?

True story. I went to the bathroom. Went back to what I was doing. Sneezed. Wet my pants. Third time today.

Patricia?!?

The Oracle has spoken. We're having a girl!

Now some history. We have a friend Phil (seen below at my birfday dinner at Red Iguana) who has a 100% accuracy rate when it comes to determining gender. When everyone told our friends Ben and Steph they were having a girl, Phil was one of the only ones who said boy. And out came Jonah. Recently, most people were saying our friends Greg & Tara were having a boy (myself included) but out came Charlotte, and Phil had called girl. So when we were at dinner the other night, I asked Phil what he thought Pat was and after staring at me and pondering for what seemed like a long time, he declared it was a girl. So you heard it here first. He'll either continue his 100% accuracy or Pat will be his first error. I'm still thinking Pat is a Patrick so maybe Phil and I should wager something. And I'm seriously thinking of creating a poll on Facebook to see what our friends think we're having.

The Oracle is at the end of the table. Yes, he appears to be a normal human being but he is far from normal. He is almost super human and Christian and I think the world of him.

In other Pat news, Pat has not slept at all today. You think I'm exaggerating? No! Constant movement. CONSTANT!!! And not "oh, that's such a cool feeling" movement. It's been more "Oh Pat, please stop it. That is far too creepy" movement. More of the feeling like Pat's trying to escape from Alcatraz and the only way out is through my navel. My friend told me today that there will come a time when Pat is on the outside and I will miss Pat being on the inside, so I'm trying to enjoy the creepiness of Pat's activity.

Wednesday is my glucose test. For all of you women who have been pregnant, you know the one. For anyone reading this who hasn't found themselves knocked up, this is a test they do around 28 weeks to see if you have gestational diabetes and are going to poop out a 19 lb Indonesian baby. The test involves consuming 50 grams (not milligrams...GRAMS) of glucose in the form of a fruity beverage. And you have to drink it in 5 minutes or less. In all honesty it doesn't sound that bad to me but every single person has warned me the drink is nasty and the feeling you have after you drink it is surreal. Ears ringing, etc. So we'll see. I can't wait to see what all that sugar does to Pat.