Boobies

When I was in university, I would go into people's rooms when they had left and write "boobs" (and other words for boobs) in the middle of a paper they were working on. Not in the same paragraph where they had just left off--in the middle or somewhere where they might not catch it. I wonder if any of them ever submitted it to their profs without removing my literary craftsmanship.

As you might guess, this blog today is about boobs. Oh, and poop.

The last week and a half have been not so fun. If you read this blog very often, you'll know that a couple of weeks ago I got another plugged milk duct that I couldn't get rid of. I had it for 9 days or so. When I get one, it knocks me to my knees in pain. I cannot hold Cohen, I cannot do anything, and nursing on it really stinks. I generally have an even shorter temper than usual and I don't feel like talking to anyone or doing anything except lie on the couch. So last week I decided enough was enough. I was going to get a solution.

On Monday, I called 2 different lactation consultants and 2 acupuncturists. That makes 4 lactation consultants I've talked to about my plugged ducts. These 2 didn't offer any other advice that I hadn't heard already from the other 2 or reason why I keep getting them. But the one I spoke with did say she knew of a pediatrician in town who was also a lactation expert or had some sort of certification and told me to call her. I called the number she gave me. Disconnected. So I googled her. Found a different number and called. Disconnected. Tried another number listed. Disconnected. My short temper is now getting the better of me. I finally found one more number listed and called. It rang and someone picked up. I suddenly felt SO MUCH hope in just hearing someone say "Hello and thank you for calling Alpine Medical." Made an appointment for that afternoon.

In the meantime, I did hear back from both acupuncturists. The one said she wouldn't work on me unless I had a note from my doctor saying I didn't have an infection in it. Well, I know I don't have one because I don't have any of the symptoms for mastitis and I wasn't going to spend money and time confirming what I already know. And the other one wanted me to pay her $360.00!!!! and wait until May 11th, because that was the soonest she could get me in. Double Blerg!

So, I met with this doctor on Tuesday afternoon and she asked me a million and forty questions about my diet, my supplements, my medications, my habits, including if I played the violin. Seriously. The violin? Ah yes, you play it on the left side and I only get plugged ducts on the left side. I told her "No, but I did play the accordion!". She kept saying how odd it was that I only got it on one side (as did the other lactation consultants) and can't figure out why I keep getting them but she did give me a prescription for an antibiotic (just in case there was an infection brewing) and told me to take lecithin granules every day, rent a hospital grade pump to suck the plug out, lay off the saturated fats (bye-bye ice cream) and get Cohen weighed as soon as possible to make sure he was gaining weight despite the plugged duct (when it's plugged, that boob obviously produces far less because half of it is trapped behind the plug).

I immediately drove to the Lactation Station here in SLC and rented the pump. Went to Whole Foods and bought the lecithin granules, and met Christian at Cohen's pediatrician's office to get him weighed. All this in less than 30 minutes.

Cohen's weight was up from his 2 month appointment, although his rate of growth has slowed and he dropped from the 40th percentile to the 21st. While we were there he had to eat so we weighed him before he ate and after and he gained 5 oz during that feeding, causing his doctor to say he's getting enough food. AND, he sucked the 9 day old plug out while we were there (I wonder how that tasted). And she also said that the way he was eating (pulling off, fussing, freaking out) was definitely a sign of acid reflux and told us to up his Prevacid by another half pill per day (so now the poor kid is taking 15 mg of medicine each day crushed and mixed into gripe water). By the way, I'm being very detailed so that when I decide to give Cohen a brother or sister, I'll remember what we did in case we need to do it again. Or I'll read this blog and decide Cohen will just have to be an only child.

So things were looking up for Team Hancock yet again. Until...

His poop turned grass green and was the consistency of egg whites AND he started pooping a minimum of 10 times per day. This started last Tuesday, 9 days ago, the same day we went to the doctor. It's now mostly back to his dijon like colour (isn't it so funny how you talk about crap when you're a mother...although I've actually always talked about it so it's really no different for me) but he's still filling his pants every chance he gets. He was sleeping 8 hours before last Tuesday but is now waking up after 3 or 4 hours because he has a dirty diaper and doesn't want to lie in it. I'm not sure why not. I would imagine it would be nice and warm. Oh, and when I told the doctor it was green, she said she didn't care if it was plaid. She just didn't want to see any blood in it, which he hasn't had.

So, I had him back to his pediatrician this past Tuesday because he's gotten more fussy in the week since we'd last seen her and she wanted to weigh him again. He was up a few ounces but his rate of weight gain has slowed even more. She's still not concerned though. If he hadn't gained or had lost weight she would have been concerned. After grilling me about changes in my diet or anything else that might cause the increase in crap, she figured out that it must be the lecithin granules. She said she'd heard of mothers saying it made their babies fussy but she hadn't heard anything about it affecting their rate of poop. But regardless, she really thinks its the lecithin.  

So...here's the dilemma I now face. Stop the lecithin so that Cohen goes back to his 2-3 poops per day habit and is less fussy and sleeps through the night again but I get plugged ducts again. Or, continue the lecithin with hopes that Cohen will get used to it and will eventually stop pooing and fussing so much. Or, wean him off of breastmilk and get him onto formula so that both Cohen and I "go back to normal".

After a lot of thought and conversations with friends, I've decided to wean him and get him onto formula. I originally wanted to nurse him for a year but with all of the problems we've had, I just don't think we will make it. Plus, I am starting a new job (will blog about it soon) mid-May and putting him in daycare full-time and he's going to need to be on a bottle during the day. Yes, I could pump at the office every day but you know what? I think that's going to be a huge pain in the butt AND because of the problems with my boob, I just don't think it makes a lot of sense.

And can I tell you the guilt I'm already feeling over it? And feeling like I've failed as a mother and as a woman? And feeling like I'll be judged by women when I'm in public mixing him up a bottle of formula. I'm crying as I type this because I'm already distraught over Cohen and I not having that bond anymore.

I read the following on a website last night when I was searching to see if there was any information on lecithin's effect on babies.

"Many women can breastfeed easily and problem-free. This is the vision and expectation that all new mothers have. We assume that breastfeeding will come easily and naturally and be a beautiful experience, and for some, it is. For others, however, breastfeeding can be difficult, painful and emotionally devastating. We feel inadequate, frustrated, and more than anything, scared that we're starving our babies. We never imagined how difficult, painful or hard it could be."

 

It's so true. For most of my friends and family members, it's been a piece of cake, and for Cohen and I before he was 4 weeks old, it was relatively easy. But for a few of us out there, it's not been a beautiful, easy or natural experience. It's tough. And it's painful. And frustrating. And devastating.

 

And so that's where we're at today. I had a plugged duct today but Cohen got it almost immediately so there was little pain. And he drank 4 oz of formula yesterday and another 4 today which is HUGE, considering he had taken out a restraining order on all bottles and wouldn't even let one come within 500 yards of his mouth a few weeks ago. So we're making progress and that feels good.

 

All this to say that if you believe in karma, you might say that my University prank has come around and bitten me in the boob. Karma's a real you-know-what!

 

All bundled up the other day for our walk with Aunt Mandy. The bundling wasn't necessary today since it was in the 70s.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Rockin' the Bumbo chair for the first time. We're trying to get him ready for his first encounter with rice cereal (he needs to be able to sit up in order to try it).

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Discovering his toes. He's so flexible, he can suck his toes. All of those yoga lessons are finally paying off.