Memories

I received an e-mail chain from a friend yesterday. I didn't know what it was about until I looked at the first one and read up toward the top. The end effect was me bawling.

You see, this friend of mine works at the reproductive center where Cohen was conceived, and our e-mail chain was about the blood test results I was waiting for to confirm that Cohen was in there. We kept writing back and forth that day about when the results would be in. The last e-mail was from me and it went something like this...

"I heard back from Jennilee. I'm "definitely pregnant." My HCG reading was 791 and I am 2 days shy of being 5 weeks. I'll be calling tomorrow to schedule an internal ultrasound with Dr. Jones (I guess she's in your office next week) next Friday."

It instantly took me back to the days leading up to finding out I was pregnant and then the days shortly afterward when we were awaiting confirmation, to the agonizing week of waiting for the internal ultrasound to make sure the baby was viable. Those 10 days were the best and also the scariest of my life to that point.

It brought everything back into perspective for me. It makes me so incredibly grateful for the blessing that Cohen is. I know I've written some honest entries lately about my struggles...okay, I've written A LOT of those entries, but seeing those e-mails just reminded me how truly blessed I am. I know that you must think I'm not grateful for the little ankle biter. But I am. And Cohen IS a great kid. Sure he fusses all the time, he throws up all over himself every day, and I have to get up and answer his booty call a couple times each night, but so what. I just need to suck it up and move past the negative. I wanted him for so long and I got him and I'm going to enjoy him. End of story.