Honey...why is the baby in the dishwasher?

Every roommate I've ever had has told me I talk in my sleep. My first-year roommate in university would try and get secrets out of me at night because she knew I'd give up the dirt. I guess I just have an overly active mind that doesn't really sleep while my body is resting. I don't know. But over the years, there have been some funny incidents that involve me + unconscious activity.

When Christian and I were first married, one night I woke up and there were monkeys crawling in through the bedroom window. No. Really. There were. I yelled, "AAAAAAAAAA, MONKEYS!!!" and hopped on Christian's chest (facing his face), yelled "MONKEYS!!", then hopped off onto the floor and tried to crawl out the bedroom. I think Christian was pulling on my leg as I tried to escape the wrath of the primates. Hey, they might look all cute and cuddly, but there are some mean sons of guns in the primate world and I was not about to get tangled up with them. I eventually woke up to discover there were, in fact, no monkeys plotting revenge on the Hancocks.

Almost every night, about 20 minutes after I fall asleep, I sit up in bed with a loud gasp and say "what's going on?" or "what, what, what, what, what, what, what" or "fatty fatty fat fat you really shouldn't eat that" (I know, impressive that I make up rhymes while asleep). Other nights I jump out of bed, sometimes landing on my feet, sometimes not. Sometimes I wake up standing on the bed, trying to hold the wall up, or I alert Christian that the ceiling is about to fall and I need help holding it up. It's really a mixed bag.

Last night, after I'd been asleep my usual 20 minutes, I said "What are you doing?!?" then fell back asleep. This was Christian's cue that he could now fall asleep because my nightly incident was over and I'd probably sleep through the night. Wrong! Maybe 10 minutes later, just as Christian was falling asleep I hit him in the head and said "STOP IT! I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING OVER THERE!!". You see, I thought Christian was involved in some less than decent behaviour on his side of the bed. But he wasn't (he wants you to know that he really wasn't). When he told me about it this morning, I started wondering what's going to happen when Pat arrives and I have my nightly incidents. How will I behave when I'm operating on very little sleep? Will my episodes get worse? Will I not have them because I'm not sleeping? And while I'm trying to joke around about it, I am actually a little worried that I really will put the baby in the dishwasher, or something far worse.

So if anyone knows of a cure for what I've got, I'd love to know what it is and how I can keep Pat safe from it's crazy Mum! Oh...wait a second...a brilliant idea! Maybe Christian should get up and do the nightly feedings so I can get my rest and stay away from Pat so I don't do anything to it. Hmmmm...I like where I'm going with this idea.